All of my children have had a special song written for them by their Aunt CJ. Here is Naomi's. It was written back in November and Naomi got to hear it performed live in our hospital room.
I know people are dying to know "how I'm doing." Honestly I've always found that question incredibly hard to answer, even under normal circumstances. How I'm doing right now might not be how I'm feeling ten minutes ago or ten minutes from now. It's just hard to gauge yourself too. This morning we buried our baby girl. This afternoon we went shopping and bought a Cars headlamp and plastic bowling set for our 2yo, and our 6yo bought herself a $40 LEGO Friends set with money she had extricated from family over the last two weeks. The tone of our lives is changing moment by moment. From what I hear, it's going to get worse before it gets better.
This afternoon and evening has been filled with a great sense of relief. This birth has been hanging over me since August 14th. I spent five weeks on edge, feeling like I might blink and be in labor seconds later, and everything had to be ready to go. The last week has been a balancing act of recuperating from birth but also trying to get a lot done before the funeral and burial services. I have not even written out the birth story yet.
Right now, this moment, I feel like someone who has just finished running a marathon. Or just finished their last final exam. The grief is suppressed momentarily while the relief from finishing what is likely the biggest event of my life washes over me.
My daughter's life has already completed, but I'm just beginning to tell you her story. The slide show we made for the funeral will be put online and I can't wait to introduce her to the world.