When I was pregnant with Naomi and started participating in an online anencephaly support group, I remember a woman posting who had lost her baby forty years previously. That number was shocking. To be so distant in time, yet still tangibly connected to her loss. Nine years is not forty, but in some ways I feel like I have crossed into the "old timers" group in this club that no one wants to be in. The incremental differences between nine and forty being slivers of time compared to the oceans of time that exist during the phases of pregnancy, birth, and the first year. Even for birthdays, the first few years felt like the entire month of February was the birthday/anniversary, and now it's slowly whittled down to the one day it is.
Of the connections I made with other loss moms who also blogged, I am the only one still posting. This is likely supposed to make me feel like I should stop now, yet instead I feel like I'm holding a baton and it's my job to keep carrying it. Or maybe I just know how important this is to my mom and want to make her happy. ;)
I stopped by my favorite bakery yesterday and saw an orange creamsicle cake in the case, so picked that up as Naomi's birthday cake for this year.